Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts

Friday, February 6, 2009

Horse Feathers and Oats



Oatmeal is for horses. When I was a kid, we ate hot cereal or mush as we called it. Cream of Rice, Corn Meal, Ralston, Cream of Wheat, Malto Meal and my favorite Wheat Hearts (which General Mills decided to drop when nobody took the time to cook anymore). No one really had time for breakfast anymore. Or was it that the real reason was that gluten was worth more on the market as a commodity and instant was suddenly born and some cereals like Wheat Hearts just didn’t taste good without gluten. Once in awhile we ate oatmeal, it was mainly for horses, cows and prisoners of war. Currently if you go to the cereal section of the grocery store, it consists mainly of oatmeal products, hot cereal and cold Cheerios this, Fruit Loops that, even Yogurt flavored Cheerios, Blech!
More than sixty percent of cereal on the shelves is oatmeal related. One of the most disgusting flavors is Muslix, who in their right mind would eat something called Muslix. Before buying check the expiration date, it’s been there awhile.
While we are on the subject of gluten, there’s a disease called Celiac, which has all the bad symptoms of IBS. Apparently people with Celiac are lactose intolerant and have bad reactions with gluten. Take all the gluten out of the cereals for IBS, why are these people even eating cereal with milk anyway?
What is the real reason for removing gluten from cereal and bread? Ever notice how Wonder Bread isn’t so wonderful anymore? Because, gluten as a commodity is worth more than the wheat that it is extracted from. It’s used in cosmetics, pet food, dog chews, vegan meat, biodegradable packaging, paper whitener, inks and oh, did I forget to mention bug insecticide.
Put the gluten back in food and take your IBS pills.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Down and Out in Wal-Mart Cheap Shoe Heels



Last week’s post was a bit on the Norman Bates side of things. When I was a kid, I was a little bit of an ant bully and I studied a lot of Mad magazines. I mostly grew out of it and I like animals, they taste good. I apologize for my bad behavior. I guess I am feeling just a bit down.....OK, I’ll admit it, I’m a REPUBLICAN! I’ll just whine slightly and tuck in my lower lip.

There once was a man named Obama
Who ran for election and won a
Presidential bid
Is what he did
And now his chair is in the sauna
--------------------------------------------------
A donkey once had much to hold,
all laden down with shiny gold.
As he’d voted for change.
The donkey spoke strange,
“The world looks so much brighter,
for now my load will be lighter.”